let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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