My hand turned me down
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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