He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
