i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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