see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
