we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize