I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
