That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize