i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
