actually, I'm a sock model
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
