I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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