We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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