Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
