Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
