two words: eviction party
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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