He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
