a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
