At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
