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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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