Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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