I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
