I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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