All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
