this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
