so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
