After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
