Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
