Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize