You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
