those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
