AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
