girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
