I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
