my soul wont recognize me after tonight
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
