Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
