she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
