remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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