great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
