hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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