Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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