He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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