All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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