She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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