Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
