you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
