wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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