he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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