the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
