hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
