I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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