Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
