She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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