margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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