Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
