I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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