I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
