can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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