aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
