Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You are the jesus of drinking
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
