I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize