nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
