Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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