Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
