You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
