im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
