Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
