So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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