Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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