Duck Duck Cougar?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
