have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
