I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
