Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize