He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
