Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
