he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
