Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
