I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
